Blue Moon Musings

On August 30th, there will be a full, blue, super moon (for definitions, see below) in the sign of dreamy, artistic, sensitive Pisces. Talk about intensity! Now is a time for wishes and miracles, for believing in the impossible.  

This confluence of events being somewhat rare, and leading us into the last quarter of the year, it seems like a good moment to pause and reflect on the goals and dreams we had in the beginning of 2023. Have we achieved them? Have they changed? More importantly…have we changed?

Dreams and goals are tricky things. We tend to envision a “dream come true” as reaching the final outcome. We did the big thing we wanted to do, or be, or see: the “after picture.” The problem with the after picture is that it omits all the hard work and setbacks and frustration in between where we started and where we wound up. It bypasses that entire journey, makes it seem to others that we snapped our fingers and, poof! Our wish came true, our goal was accomplished.  

In Western society, we only hear about the big achievements. The magazine article or news story rewards those who reached the end goal, not people who only got halfway there. When we don’t get that recognition, no matter how far we’ve come in the process, we feel like we failed. And by only highlighting those who cross the finish line, that feeling of failure is reinforced.

Big achievements are certainly worth celebrating. But that doesn’t mean all the goal posts we hit along the way don’t matter.

If you set out to lose 100 pounds but only lost 75, did you fail? If your goal was to master a new language, but you can only form a few sentences, should you just give up? If your kid wanted to get straight A’s but got one B+, should they quit school? How silly do these questions sound?!

And yet, that’s what we do to ourselves all the time. Instead of focusing on what we learned along the way, how we changed and grew from the struggle, we tell ourselves we weren’t disciplined enough, didn’t work hard enough, didn’t “earn it,” and my favorite: “didn’t want it bad enough.”

Can you see me rolling my eyes?

Look. LIFE IS HARD. Doing things is hard. If you got up this morning and tried? You’re a hero in my book. TRYING is what matters most. The journey is the most valuable thing, not the “after” picture. If you find yourself even partway to your goal, if you only spent 5 minutes today working toward it, celebrate that shit!

And if your goal or dream has changed, if it’s not what you want anymore, that’s okay too. It’s yours. Yours to change, adjust, or reset. Deciding that you want something different is not giving up, as long as you’re honoring your true desires. If you still want it, keep working for it! If you don’t, then don’t waste anymore time on it. Pay no attention to what anyone else has to say about it. Better yet, don’t tell them (unless it directly affects them, of course). Move toward what makes your soul happy. That’s it.

Sometimes we set goals that, in retrospect, were to impress someone else, or to achieve dreams that weren’t really ours in the first place, but someone else’s dream for us. In many ways, those are more difficult to let go of. Disappointing ourself is one thing; disappointing someone we love is more difficult. That said, working toward a goal that doesn’t align with our true intentions and authentic desires is probably never going to work out. That may sound harsh, but it’s usually true.

I found this out the hard way a few times in my life. For years, I dreamed about getting into an ivy league school, about the moment I could tell my dad I’d been accepted. My teenage years were rough, to put it mildly, and even as an adult, I struggled to support myself. My dad and former step-monster still treated me like I was that teenage loser, well into my 30’s, no matter how hard I worked or what I accomplished.

Surely, an ivy league degree would prove, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that I was now a Productive Member of Society, that I was smart and had been all along, that I was worthy and successful!

Long story very short, I worked my ass off and got into a Big Fancy school. I was there for about a week before I realized I hated every single second of it. Everyone was so pretentious and fake and snobby. Assholes, but in an artsy way, so they were even more smug about it. I missed the state university where I’d gotten my BA, where the professors treated me like a human being, where I had friends. But this was my Big Dream, something I’d strived for, sacrificed for, wished for over and over, and based my whole life upon.

So, I stuck it out. I put myself into student loan debt I’ll never get out of, endured 3 years of being significantly unhappy, and can’t get a job to save my life with the degree I earned. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud as hell of my degree, and now I can look back and honor that journey, learn from it, use it to make better decisions. But it’s a classic case of, “be careful what you wish for.”

None of this is to say you shouldn’t dream big and wish big and aim for the stars and all that. You absolutely should, if that’s what YOU want! But it’s also okay if you don’t want to do some massively huge thing, especially if it’s a thing you’re doing more for someone else than for yourself. In fact, it’s totally fine if you don’t have any goals or dreams at all right now. I still like you. Probably.

Here’s my point (finally!): In my experience, which is all I can speak to, the universe does grant wishes…but if those wishes aren’t aligned with your true purpose, you probably won’t be happy if and when they come true. And that’s a shame, because we don’t want to waste wishes around here, no ma’am. Life is too damn short.

So, how do you figure out what the hell you truly want? Well folks, just click the “book a reading” tab up top! I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I mean, you should do that, but that’s not where I’m going with this. I wouldn’t do that to you.

I think the key to figuring out your sincere wishes and goals is deep contemplation. Be open and honest with yourself. Try to shut out every other voice but your own, and listen to what it says. Don’t deceive yourself. You’ll know what’s true when you find it. You will.

The fact is, many goals or wishes are only surface level, and don’t address the deeper problems we’re trying to solve. For example, many people wish to win the lottery, but what lies beneath that surface wish? Often, it’s a need for security, stability, to know they are safe. It may be a desire for freedom…to break out of the rat race of relentless 9-5 work weeks, of boring obligations and tasks that seem inescapable. It could be to help friends and family members, or to want to do good in the world.

If we keep peeling back those layers, we might find that the need for security and stability is a result of childhood trauma, from times of scarcity, a fear of landing in a similar situation. The desire for freedom could stem from feeling exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, trapped. Wanting to help family and friends in monetary ways may indicate feeling inadequate, or an inability to express affection for our people in meaningful ways.

Once you’ve uncovered the root causes, you can readjust your goals accordingly if need be. Therapy might help heal childhood trauma, or journaling, or opening up about it to a close friend. Fear may result from anxiety, which can often be reduced by breathing techniques or medication. If you’re feeling trapped, it may be time to look for a new job, take some time off, or begin practicing meditation. Volunteering puts good into the world, and friends and family probably value more visits and phone calls than money anyway.

Perhaps, all those years ago, if I’d admitted to myself that the underlying reasons for pushing through a degree program I hated were a serious lack of self-worth and crippling impostor syndrome, I’d have realized what I was doing wasn’t really for me. I thought if I could make someone else proud of me, maybe that would help me be proud of myself. Surprise, surprise, that didn’t exactly turn out to be the case, and therapy would have been a lot cheaper!

Of course, I’ve come a million miles since then, and realize there are far worse fates than getting an expensive Fancy Degree. Still, that insight would have been nice to have earlier. Gaining deeper self-knowledge and awareness always empowers us to make better decisions.

If you find yourself on a similar track, reexamine the big goals you’ve set for yourself. Do they still make sense? Will they help you attain what you need to feel more secure, free, hopeful, supportive? Try to remember that what you’ve done up until this moment doesn’t have to continue if it’s not right for you. I saw a meme today that said: “don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.” I really can’t say it better than that.

And let’s face it, we’re probably all going to keep wishing to win the lottery, and that’s fine and good, especially if you plan to use part of your winnings to purchase a lifetime subscription of tarot readings. Just remember that your wishes are yours. You get to choose what to ask for, no matter how big or small. You have agency in this process. You choose the road. Any time you want, you can make a new goal, a new wish, and begin a new journey.

So, when you gaze up at that blue moon next week, make your wishes count.